A Legend Is Gone

As I sit back and think about the lost of Micheal Jackson I have mixed feelings. I will never know the truth behind the accusations. I will never understand why he felt the need to make such dramatic changes to his person. I will never completely understand the man that was Micheal Jackson. But in the end none of that matters. He is gone and the powers that be will judge him in the afterlife. What I do know is that there will never be another Micheal Jackson. He was a musical legend. I guess I never really completely understood that until he was gone. As I hear his music being played around me I realize how much a part of my life Micheal has been. How his music was there in every stage of my development entertaining me as a grew to become the woman I am today. The Jackson 5 was playing while I was in the crib. Micheal was jumping Off The Wall just as I was learning to love music. I watched enthralled and amazed as Micheal MoonWalked his way into superstardum. My momma purchased the Thriller video and we watched it together like it was the latest movie released (on VHS of course). I was stunned by the terrible Pepsi commercial accident. I could go on but I think you understand what I mean. MJs music was there through it all. As songs came and went his remained if they were released yesterday because no matter what tube they claimed he was sleeping in, what shape his nose was at any particular time, what strange incidents, marriages, and rumors that surrounded MJs life his music was phenomenal. The rumors will fade as time goes on but his music be remembered.



And here is why he will be remembered.

Dirty Diana

Remember The Time

We Have A Date

This is really going to happen. I have been spending the past few month going through the process to get approval fro surgery. To get permission from my health insurance carrier to do something somewhat dramatic. Bariatric Surgery is a major deal folks. Well I now have a date March 23rd. Having a date just made everything real. Not that is wasn't real before. But it is now a physical reality. I am a bit in shock. I am ready for this but that does not take away the fear factor and yes I am definitely scared. Some man is going to cut me and change my life forever. IT is really a life and lifestyle change. And though I know I am ready for it I can't help but be a little scared. How will I change. How will the people around me react. Some will be shocked other with say it is about time (though not to my face), and other will just be there to support. All I know is that all of a sudden this has become real. And on March 23rd my life will be changed forever.

I Cried

I really did cry tears if joy this morning. I am listening to Obama's speech as I type this and I am just choked up. History has been made tonight. The reality of this is hitting me as I look at my kids and pray that this man can begin the healing this country needs. We as a country have been devastated by our own hand and by natural disaster. With out vote many of us have laid the hope for a better future in his hand.

As happy as I am I still wonder what this will me for blacks in general. Will this be the excuse people will try to use to cover up the racism that still exist. Will the old black guard be able to give up the nonsense and support a man this man who is not catering to their agenda. How will this affect me and my kids down the road.

I really don't have any answers. What I do have today is hope. I hope I did not realize had been slipping away till it returned at about 11PM November 4Th. It is now about 5AM November 5Th and I have to get ready for work. Life keeps going as it always will. But today I have a little more hope in my heart. I honestly believe there is a man in the White House with the best interest of America at heart.

And yes there is a little doubt and fear. He still has to make it through 4 years of men and woman who know nothing but politics and have forgotten what they are suppose to really represent. But even that can not destroy the new glimmer of hope that Obama has created in my heart.

The future looks brighter if not for me than for my sleeping angels.

I Am Tired

I am so tired today. Yesterday just sucked all the life out of me. I need to make changes and I guess this surgery is a big part of that but more need to be done sooner rather than later because I am tired. I hate being in my own home. Truth be told most days this place does not feel like home.

It was not suppose to be like this. Though when I think about it I don't know how it could have turned out any differently. Twins is not something I could have ever done alone with my income level. My options where here and with their father and even as hard as things are now that never would have worked. We are good friends. He is a good father but we would never have made it as a couple. In hindsight we probably should have figured that out before the twins but that is neither here or there. But still there are days when I wish I had hopped on that gravy train. Not that he is rolling in cash but he is definitely in a better position than I am at the moment. But Lord knows I could not do it. Every thing in me just screamed this could never work. And I think may have found someone. But we will leave that for another post. Not quite ready to share that with the world yet.

So now I am here and I need to make the changes necessary to correct this situation before I become an empty shell. My kids and I deserve better and it is my job to provide this. So now it is time to just do it. No more excuses. Take control of my situation it is the only way this will work.

Twitter, Facebook, MySpace - - I Don't Have Time For this

I have 2 myspace accounts. And I just joined Twitter and Facebook. Someone please stop me. I don't have time for all this. What am I doing. At least on Facebook I found a bunch of my college friends. Lord knows I had pretty much lost track of most of them. It is interesting to see pictures of them some of them it has been a longgggggggg time since I have seen them face to face. They are getting older having kids doing their thing just like me. Not that I expected anything different but it is just different when it hits you in the face.



Ok so I don't have time for this but I am doing it anyway. What the heck I am not hurting anyone it keeps me happy and occupied. And I can live vicariously through people who manage to have a life and kids and love and all that good stuff. Ok Ok it is not all bad. I do have someone. And I am pretty sure this may happen if I manage to find the time to devote to it. Thank God he is patient. We have been through alot together. And for some reason he seems to think I am worth waiting for. Don't get me wrong I am good peoples but I have never been one to hold someone back because of the drama that is my life but he is still here with open door and arms for me. I am not sure if he understands just how much that means to me.



But I am getting a bit off topic here. I was talking about all these Internet social sites. I really don't have time to keep up with all of this but for some reason I am determined to do it anyway. These places have become my release and what happens when u don't release the bad stuff. They take over the good stuff.



Ok I am getting sleepy. I think it is time for me to turn in. I am nodding off at the computer. Nite Folks LOL

Election Politics

I am in no way shape and form a political anay. So I may be wrong but please tell me you watched the VP debates what Sara Palin actually answered. I admit I was not able to concentrate on it as I was taking care of home and hearth at the time but every time I listened the woman was talking about Alaska and energy. Was this the energy debated and no one told me. Please I want to know. This woman is in no way shape of form stupid is she qualified. What were McCain's people thinking when they chose this woman. I really think they believe the American people are stupid. And to be honest with you some days I think they may be right because despite her poor interview performances and her lack of knowledge in the state of our country (which trust me I expect my presidential candidates to know more than I do and she apparently does not which is scary) there are those that are all for it. I don't know people. She scares me. If this ticket was to actually win and McCain and his old self actually passed she would be it. THIS REALLY MAKES ME NERVOUS. McCain's age issue was only a sideline more of a joke before they added her to the ticket. Now it is really a thought that makes me shiver.



I just hope people see the truth but they have been blind before. We got Bush twice

The Decision

And so the journey has begun. I went to the educational seminar, I saw the doctor and I visited my personal physician. So the process has begun and another big girl has decided to go get the cut. Yea that's how I think of it though I say it with a smile cause I know it is much more than that. But in the end isn't that the part that scares u the most. At least that is what scares me the most. The actual operation. But there is time. Right now I have to get all the test completed, complete all the requirements of my insurance company and keep focused on the reason I am doing this. It is no longer just me anymore. I have two kids that deserve a mom that can keep up with them, that will e there when it is time for all their activities and events. And the way I have been feeling lately I don't' know if I can make it. I am just so tired and I just know in my bones that it is time to make a change.

A diet won't cut it. Been there done that. Exercise is not enough at least not for me. Been there done that. So I go the route that will allow me to change my life significantly. Am I absolutely sure at this point. I won't lie no I am not. I have changed my mind at least 10 times since the day I decided to finally talk to my doctor about it. But in the end I know this is necessary and it is not just about me.

Well I guess that's it for now. As I feel the need and the process moves on I will post more. Thanks for listening (or reading I guess I should say.